10 habits that make people secretly lose respect for you (without you realizing it)

One of the first things that made me realize that I am a massive people pleaser and that I have been my whole life is how often I was disqualifying my own voice and my own opinion in conversations. conversations. conversations. I could be really wrong here, but I always started off by downplaying my own voice. voice. voice. Now, I did this because I constantly wanted to leave myself with an escape route for if that person didn't agree with what I said because I hated confrontation. To me, confrontation meant danger because it meant the fear of other people not liking me. So, I always left myself a a way of getting out. Yeah, I mean, maybe maybe you are right to be fair. I don't know. I'm just I'm just saying. If they didn't agree, I'd go, "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true, actually. I agree with you." And I'd just let their opinion control the entire conversation and my entire personality as well. Number two. Number two. Number two. You always feel the need to overexplain yourself. Now, I did this because I wanted to give them a lot of context because I didn't want them thinking that I didn't want to see them or I didn't want them getting the idea that they did something wrong. But, the problem is this comes across super fake because instead of saying to them, "This evening's just not a good time. Monday, though?" and suggesting another day and they go, "Oh, brilliant, you know, you can't do today, that's fine, but you can do tomorrow." I was always justifying myself and I'd say things that sometimes would just sound really fake and not right. My goldfish is getting married today. Yeah. What? You don't need to justify why if you can't do it. Sometimes it's more real when you just say, "Sorry, I can't do it." and rather than it sounding fake when you're constantly having to overexplain why you can't do something. Uh, well, I can't on Monday. I have the um the pet doctor. Yeah, yeah, the pet doctor. The pet doctor. Number three. You constantly notice tiny changes in people's behavior. [music] Now, this was really ruining my relationships and my dating life because I was always hyper aware as to the >> [music] >> [music] >> [music] >> the vibe of the conversation and the attitudes with how people were when I maybe I matched with them on a dating app when I was on dating apps for a little while. I don't want to go into that. Or maybe when I was on a date, I was constantly finding out when that when their mood was changing or when they were they were they were replying a little bit less. And I would always hyper fixate on that and tell myself the story that meant that I did something wrong. That meant that that that I I I have messed up here, that I need to make up more of the conversation now because they didn't reply to me less and I was always trying to chase them to make up the percentage that they weren't giving me back. me back. me back. And that actually takes me perfectly onto number four, which is that I always felt the responsibility of carrying conversations. conversations. conversations. >> [music] >> [music] >> [music] >> So, for me, I always felt the responsibility to keep those friendships alive, ask [music] those questions. You know, if they haven't asked if I'm okay, if they haven't checked up on me, if they haven't asked me if I wanted to go out in a while, I felt like it would be my responsibility [music] to make up for the effort that they weren't able to put in. And this is good because you you're you're a great friend. You care a lot about people's opinions and I always I always cared about my friends and cared about relationships and dating, but other people's actions are not your responsibility. responsibility. responsibility. Just because somebody was a part of a chapter in your book of life does not mean that they have to be in the next one. one. one. Okay? And sometimes I had to learn the hard way that taking a step back and just watching behaviors can tell you a lot about whether those people are worth being in your next chapter or not. And that doesn't mean that you stop putting in effort, that you stop that, you know, >> [music] >> [music] >> [music] >> doing anything for these people, but sometimes it's just good to observe energies and behaviors of other people when you are giving them that favor, giving them your all and constantly doing everything you can to make sure they are okay. Number five, Number five, Number five, you keep score [music] a lot. Now, this is an interesting one because secretly in our head we do keep a mental note of the things that we might do for people. And we don't mean to do it. Um a lot of the time this can really damage us because we set the bar so high as friends, people in relationships, dating lives, that we expect other people to always reciprocate the same energy, the same love language as us. [music] But something that I have learned in in years of friendships and relationships and talking to people is that sometimes the energy that people give you is very different to yours. So, what you might see as your love language, as your way of showing up for people, they might not do it in that way, but they show it in other ways. So, to you you might see it as oh, they're not putting in as as much effort as me, but actually in reality they might actually be showing that effort in other areas of their life in different ways for you. for you. for you. Number six, you complain about people >> [music] >> [music] >> [music] >> instead of just being honest to them and to their face. Now, if you heard that and you're like, yep, that's true, put your hand up. It's hard to do, but I'm guilty of it as well. well. well. >> [music] >> [music] >> [music] >> For me, there has been times where I've been afraid to express an opinion or something that I don't agree with with that person. So, I found it easier to talk to somebody else or vent to somebody else about it. But if you really think about it, if they found out that that's what you were doing, they would be more hurt and they would rather you say it to their face. And I keep that in mind a lot because for me I learned a lot in my relationship with my partner. She's She's come from a family who's very honest, who's very upfront, who's very brutal, which can sound a bit harsh at first, but when you get used to it, you learn that this person is just saying it out of love. They're saying it because they want me to get better and they they care about me. And I remember I used to get so funny about it and her family would do it as well. They they'd have little digs to me in front of me and be honest with me about how I'm feeling. I used to be like, "Whoa. Like, I'm not used to this. Like, why are you saying this?" But, my partner would always say that because that's how the most real people do, because they care about their friends. They want their friends to be better. I've I've had it before where, you know, I've said something to a friend that's kind of circulated to somebody else. And that's hurt the other person. Number seven, you forgive people before they've actually changed. For me, my one thing after having an argument with somebody was that I just wanted them to say sorry. Because that sorry to me meant that there was no more conflict. That was it. The conflict would end. We're all good. We're back on good terms. I like when things are la la la, peaceful. There's no arguments. I hate conflict. I still do to this day. It's in my head if somebody is mad at me. If So, if I've said something wrong, it's stuck in my head. If that one person is [music] pissed off at me, I can't I I I'm getting better, but I'm still it'll be stuck in my head and I'll I'll be thinking about that and all the things that I might have said wrong or did wrong. did wrong. did wrong. But, sometimes this would bite me in the bum. And it's important, you know, if somebody does have the balls and the courage to say to you, "Look, I am sorry. I did mess up." That is great. But, it's also another thing to make sure that doesn't happen again. Thank you so much. You know, I really appreciate your apology, but I really don't want this happening again cuz I really value our friendship. Just those extra little bit of words help them realize and respect you for expressing your opinion, and they won't want to do that, so they will change their behavior. Number eight, you reject compliments and achievements. How many times have you had somebody to come up to you and compliment you by saying, "Oh, you look really nice today." "Really? No, I don't know. I I look like a mess today." Or they compliment something that you're really good at. For example, For example, For example, "Oh, you're really good at that." Yeah, I'm all right. I'm not too bad. And why is it that every time we always downplay that compliment or that thing that we're good at? You know, slowly what we don't realize we're doing is we don't allow our brain to actually see us for who we are and the great things that we are achieving. Now, you might think that you're actually just being humble by by downplaying your achievements, by downplaying all the compliments, but honestly, I think it devalues you as a person. You should be proud of what you're achieving and the things that you are doing. When somebody says, says, says, "It was really good to talk to you." You should let it come into your heart and be like, "Yeah, that is who I am. I am doing well." Give yourself that credit. Oh, thank you, man. No, it's really good to talk to you as well. I'll see you again soon, yeah? Because that's what confidence is. Cuz trust me, when you reach that big achievement and you felt feel like you're finally being enough, there will be another big mountain up behind. So, accepting who you are right now is the true meaning of confidence in my opinion. You're happy with who you are right now, but you're also happy with who you are going to become. Number nine, you pre-reject yourself. You say no to opportunities that could help you grow, that could potentially accelerate you as a person, or could improve your relationships or improve your life, because you reject yourself self because you don't feel like you deserve to be in that room, or that you deserve to talk to that girl, that person. I really want to talk to her, but she's too good for me. There's no chance. I would have no chance. Or if I had that opportunity to grow as a person, but it felt hard, it felt nervous, nervous, nervous, I wouldn't do [music] it. >> [sighs] >> [sighs] >> [sighs] >> I really want to start a social media, but but but no, I'm not I can't do that. I'm not good enough for that. But I'm here to tell you I want you to take every opportunity that you get from now on, because you'll never know where it will lead you. >> [music] >> [music] >> [music] >> And finally, I was always afraid to take up too much room in any room that I'd walk in. walk in. walk in. >> [music] >> [music] >> [music] >> I wouldn't speak up about my own opinions because I didn't want people to have their opinions about me. And I'm not going to lie, I probably found it easier to go, "Oh, yeah, that person just seems more arrogant." [music] No. That person who's dancing, having a good time is not more arrogant. He's also no different to me. That person is just there having a good time and I'm judging because I am so jealous of or envy of that person who can stand up and have and and speak in front of everyone. You know, instead I'd call him a show-off. No, he he was just a guy who was trying to better himself, who was also terrified as well, who's giving himself the opportunity to be better. So now, sometimes instead when I'm afraid of speaking up, >> [music] >> [music] >> [music] >> I tell myself, "No." I shut my brain off and I give myself that permission to speak up because I can, because I should, because I deserve to be in those spaces just like everybody else does. Thank you so much for watching. If you did enjoy, please subscribe. If you want to work with me further, there's a link in the description where you can book a free call with me. Thank you so much. Take care.